Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time
I ran away.
I went upstate or to New Jersey;
Once to Gettysburg at 3 am.
Once upon a time
I drifted on the ocean after
Being tossed
under like a part of the sea
And life meant everything and nothing at all
And I thought maybe for once I saw what you saw.
Once upon a time
I ran away again
For the weekend with two hundred dollars
And could find the strength
In missing you to feed my needs
And listen and speak
And if we ever had to cry
Would we ever have to cry?
 

Warming the Evening

Pouring over books led to the rain
Pouring over me.
I went for a drive
To get dry
And I wondered what sensation
Your arm around me would create
If you meant to keep me warm.
I imagined the sensation
Of your arm around me
And my smile warmed the evening.
 

Anger Directed Toward The Network People

Think of all the young love denied!
The sending of letters and poems;
Contrivance to purchase contraband,
Illegal substances and alcohol for all-
You're shutting down the network tonight
And all I want is to hear him say how
Warm I'd be if he were here.

Think of all the research stopped!
Papers, you fools, our pens are idle!
You glance at your work clocks like disappearing sand
Flowing into a sea of digital technology
That's gone beyond your reach.
Let the students teach.
You're shutting down the network tonight
And all I want is to hear him say how
Warm I'd be if he were here.
How warm I'd be if he were here!
 

Regarding Your Hat

I guess it's another Dear Jon letter.
I hope this letter finds you well.
I am well and my voice healthier than ever
Bouncing sound upon this hill
Claiming it mine and not yours.
The production was a success.
I heard you might come back to see it
And if you do, I won't be afraid.
I'll be on the phone with no one you'd want to know
Out of state
Removed from you and your solitary anger!
I'm sending this back
Because I don't wear it anymore
Dare I tell you
I don't love you anymore.
And even though you said you hated that I did,
I bet you feel empty
And I'm not your trampoline,
Your partner to catch you
And I hope I didn't promise that
I'm here to come back to.
I think the first one I promised that to
Might want me back
And I hope he made you simmer
When he defended my honor
As all knights do.
It didn't cost a thing but maybe an hour of his time
And better it was than the sentiment of this hat
That I send back
Because it makes me lonely to touch it anymore
Where it used to fill me and send me soaring
Off to choir I never read the music right because of how
You made me feel but now I read
Of those who'd die a thousand deaths for love and you died
But one
        And not for me.
                        You have died inside of me
When I gave you the option to thrive and breathe.
Nothing else is new.
Nobody's asked about you.
Your friends seem hurt that you don't call.
I found some new people for the weight room,
But they don't use the rowing machine
Like you.
The only thing I cling to anymore is
Honesty
And nobody says that I cling to you.
Room 402's become a great band.
I hand out matches for them and they look out for me.
They were going to anyway I think because you weren't here
And then you left me without a call so now they look out for me.
Before I wondered what I'd say if you
came back
Now I know I'd send you away
Don't try.
I heard you might so
Don't try.
I don't think you know my favorite flower.
I don't think you would buy me chocolate.
I know you despise who I am and where I am
But I am making so many people proud.
I was left by you and I accept that.
I make myself proud.
You should see them turn their heads and
Watch them fall for the hippie girl.
I wish I could say you were still good for more than
A dramatic reference,
And I hope you don't mind if someone else pays the postage
With post script attatched
A nice note
Almost a sure thing
Because I'm giving this shit colored fabric thing
BACK.
 
 

The Torchcarriers

Once
We bridged a certain
gap between us
And then there was enticing fire light displays
From others.
These were the torchcarriers,
And they burned our bridge for us
who cool in searing pain and want
My guilt overriden with want
I want to care
I've never reached out
To find someone else there.
I need not see the fire's reflection in your eyes
To watch my water sign comfort you,
To let myself fall within your safety
And to mold around your body
Holding on to your arm if
I get scared at night.
       Can I hold onto your arm if
                I get scared at night?
And if you insist on paying for anything,
Please pay for the postage
And write a letter, with another fine post script
That we are, in fact,
Sending his well worn by me
Beautiful lonely
And recently neglected brown hat
Back to him.
It needs a mother who can love him;
Who is not on the verge of capitulating
To an actual word slain message
Containing that word again
For another.
If you delay, that's okay
As long as you can promise to send the hat
To Virginia.
And I'd spare him the pain of letting you tell him
how loved and loving you know I am.
When the mail finally goes through,
I want to stay awake
And lay there
With you.
 

Married In St. Paul's

I remember the dome and the
Catacombs and the sacred lust
Surrounding my eyes.
It's greed to want to
marry there.
 

flood

i want to say too much again
i said too much of everything
i don't take their criticisms to heart anymore
but i don't want you to leave
after you've become my best teacher
and prized protector.
i'm not asking you to come here and take
the crown;
just an unglorified acknowledgement
of my presence-
of i, the stable girl
and you, the common man.
you have a fighting chance.
 

The Sitting

I used to sit here
And say what you wanted.
We talked for hours
And you cried over your keyboard.
It's my turn to cry
And you're not here.
I'm reminded of Christmas and
how sad I'll be
that you can't come
and cry to me.
i used to want you back
like the first time i wanted you.
i want to push you so hard
so far away
so far away.
 

Christmas

Will be lonely if I let it.
I'd hate to think of you.
I'd hate to think of him
Thinking of her.
i hate to know that you never loved the songs
and he's so scared to hear them now.
because of you i can't bundle them up
and send them like an honest comforter
of pure white to bathe and love him-
because of you
i cannot ask him to let me!
 

Facing

Maybe you're home
Facing her tonight.
I had not the courage to invite you with.

Maybe you're home
Facing death tonight.
You had not the courage to say 'love.'

Maybe you're home
Feeling sad tonight.
I am helpless and fallen.
 

Your Address

I remember your address.
I don't want to hurt you.
I don't want you to call.
My chest weighs saddened
As it did before
As I fought in this home
So many struggles
Just to be near you.
My gut hungers for you
And my words grow simpler.
It's so sad to miss you.
 

Brat

I'm still the patient girl.
I let you squeeze all that you might say
Into four lines
And it suits us.
I'm still breaking down because
I hate having to wait
So Ia jar of peaches babyfood
And I cry because
I want too much.
 

Maria's

She asks: Fine Dining.
It could only be Italian, I reply.
Go to Maria's.
Where?
He drove.
i wasn't paying attention.
I'm sorry.
I was looking at his face the
whole time
as it cracked like his porcelain tub
into leaking tears.
If you ever visit, we will find a new place.

I abandon this like an unresolved chord at midnight.
 

Worn

My apologies
Appear too much
But I am so thankful to you.
I am worn of allusions
to lovelorn mists.
I therefore proceed to be straightforward
To a solemn black keyboard.
If I didn't apologize so much
And I weren't so alone
And I stopped begging for you to touch me first,
Could you then want me?
I want to merge with letting-go
again
because i can't see you standing
anywhere
and i'm terrified of letting this well within my well within
myself again
without your condolence
without your acceptance
without your embrace.
what should i do until you
discourage?
 
 

Hugh Grant In The Past Few Weeks

Was always my ideal
And lost his appeal
In the cafeteria
With my appetite for
RE and
MW and
even JR
and I never let another man borrow my guitar
And you want me to send you nothing
for worse.
After all the diminished chords,
There's only homework left to do.
Desist.
 

Allergy

When I was born
The world developed an
allergy to me,
natural walls
Immunities
Because I took it all to heart
Loving it fully.
Perhaps you will retreat to it.
My tea sits cold.
 
 

BC

Nude photo shoot?
Shit.
He digs the way my watch ticks
On my black canvas skirt
And would find it better suited
As a scene:
Skirt and watch
Tempestuously strewn
On floor.
 
 

Lady Ravenscroft (READ THIS POEM ALOUD IN BED)

Lady Ravenscroft
Traces the baseball diamond
With size five feet.
She sits down
On the pitchers mound
Writing poetry
And daydreaming of
sweat on the field
and your dirty uniform
thrown across
clean blue sheets.
Passers by smile weakly at
Lady Ravenscroft
Unknowing of her fantasies.
She disguises her name
Weaving poetic
faltered
poetic lines
And sends it to be read.
She titles it:
READ THIS POEM ALOUD IN BED.
 

Driving On Route 202

Driving on Route 202
The Dead come on
I think of you.
On County Line
Pink Floyd
unavoidable;
Can't bear to say the lines
You said to her
When now I mean them
Concealed in a funny car
Racing off too see my friend.

I want to move or stay still
Or sit here with my new Whitman edition
Or a movie
Or a sunset
With you.
 

One Poem Tonight

I'm only writing one poem tonight.
It's straight to you.
No lies or confusion
And no talk of bedsheets.
No syncopated emotion
Set to ambiguous guitar.
No others' initials,
No old creations.
Nobody else can claim or mistake this.
You deserve one poem tonight
And the most understanding
kiss.
 

I Can Play Guitar

The trite, catchy melodies
Have left me now
And on courses a smaller river.
More defiant is it,
More caressing,
Less doubtful.
Winding around your whereabouts
And cooling calm your lake,
Flowers
just a responsibility
Of the truth.
I never knew before
And during the weeks of solemn neglect
When the instrument sat staring at me,
Hostile and forsaken
And today I want to return the caring
Give it all back
How could I have denied you?
Return the caring and I play and play and for the first time
For the first time
I can play the guitar.
 
 

Leave Me Alone Mr. Grocery Man

I've got plenty of love on my own.
You should see my pride
And how they ask
About how I never cried
When I should.
I've got plenty of room on my own
So leave me alone Mr. Grocery Man.
 

In Vain

The shaking has started again and maybe the
hatred slips out twice removed from my hands
Into songs
That you'll never hear.
Fucking disgusting rudeness and cruelty
That you display
Should be held for prison guarded men
That can't love.
Not you,
That can't love.
 
 

 Working at the Shakespeare

If you presume to enter this territory
Of which you quickly dismissed
with me
I will feel no remorse
Working at the Shakespeare.
And if you should audition
And corrupt my actors
And pollute the script,
Enough love me
To crucify you
Without a tear or complaint
From me.
 
 

Burning Music ala La Boheme
 

Selfish masterpieces
Music
only
that
i
have,
I would incinerate
for fuel to travel
to you.
 
 

Death In Blue

A wave of
Just water
Rushes over the world.
And it's blue
And not the kind of blue I like,
But I don't want to complain.
I want to die in blue.
Everyone stays in
Everyone sits down.
I refuse to sing.
How useless all of our lives have been.
We were not angels,
Just beings set here
To die
On fire
Or cooled this way
Living on capsized land.
I think we could all be honest and say
"I want to be happy
for Halloween."
 

Allow Yourself To Grieve And Say Goodbye

In retaliation
of women's studies,
a goodbye letter
is nothing.
Just a simple step:
Allow yourself to grieve and say goodbye.
Some nights a realization,
Tonight back to the funeral
And all of his funerals.
You do the best you can and I want to love you for it;
Your quest for patience as insatiable as my
Wanting to be held.
Everything is a mess.
I prided myself on uncrying
And you're sick and I'm sick and I don't care
I hate his books here and his hat and his everything
And his campus
And I Want to transfer to anywhere
Why can't he let me transfer
to you?
Why can't I forget?
 

Settled

I think when I
Get back to school,
I'll call the band about the
bottle of whiskey and settle
in after it's all over.  just settle
in without a headache or reading
or love of any learning or love, just
settling in
to a pitch black drunken darkness state
that i have never seen nor conquered.
And I'll learn not to hold it against myself
And I'll force learning of love of lake and theatre
parties:
The experimentation we can do,
To better understand others!
 

Suspense
 

No rushing

Stepping back

                        Letting go
    Nothing confirmed

is a corridor of suspense,

And I don't like suspense anymore.
 

A Poem Before Dinner

I never say prayers.
Just poems.
But backed with sunlight
There stood my spirit guide
Fading into rainclouds with two
Tripping feathers.
Are you here to warn me?
Or to take me to the dance?
I just want a princess dress
And a date to the dance.
The sunlight shone warm
And protective.
 

Paul McCartney Might Be Quitting Music

Paul McCartney might be quitting music.
I'm tired of fighting with you.
Michael Jackson molests children.
I don't believe in the world any more.
I'm tired of fighting it,
I'm tired of forgetting everything.
Paul McCartney might be painting
And I might resign to
just being a poet.
An English poet in a rose garden
Where The Beatles used to play.
 

Nervous

Eating eggrolls after a roller coaster day in the
Queasy sun
And almost falling out of the car
       almost      crashing my car
Writing after a thunderbolt straightens my spine
Guilty never
We should feel guilty never
We get angry at who I am
-or is it,
who I've become?
Jason said:
"Believe it or not, everything doesn't center around you."
(after I shut up for ten minutes staring across the table with rampant regret
and sighs hidden behind my sunglasses thinking about what who might say if he
only knew that I-)
get angry at who I am
-or is it,
who I've become?
I get angry, I'm wrong, I'll say something wrong to you
I know I will say it wrong
But everything's wrong
LOVE is wrong
LIKE is wrong
WANT is wrong
Nervous doesn't exist.
 

Horoscopes

I want to move out of my 7th house
Says the fish that can't swim,
And be restless for all of my
Days in the stream.
So restless that I'll strive
To jump to the ocean
And lay warm spread and dead
In the sun.
 

Lines from a chatroom barscene
 

Hello.  So you like Counting Crows?  I sing.
Yeah, I do.  Here's my stats... nice pic, hippie chick.
Thanks.  I'm an English
Major ly good description...
Where are you from?
Someone else likes me, maybe still
But I think he likes his friend and-
I'm sorry to hear that.  Let's talk about our interests.
For an hour.
Now let's fool around.
Look man,
I'm sorry for wasting your time.
 

Ruins

I'm afraid I'm staying
In the habit of staying
Until I'm forgotten.
You've got to know it's a fear of mine
A childless motherly feeling of mine-
You went into this knowing my fears
Without knowing your own fears.
You'll be so mad when I ask
And I need to ask
If the answer
Ruins
me.
 

Helping

I'm always being selfish
So called so selfish.
I'll take no more helpings at dinner.
I'll make no more helpings at all
When everyone watches me as the girl
That they refuse to call tragic anymore
Be pushed
By helping
Poets and Singers and Actors.
I want to close down the show now.
Nobody should stare
Yeah little boys stare at me too
In the waiting room
Even when I was wearing khakis
And a plain shirt
They knew I was out there
And that I had breasts
And they stared
then too.
 

Swimmers

I like my pillows
With many colors
Because I want to dive
~Restless pure unspoken unbroken~
Into the bay of Galway
And I half expect
to know no achieved or promised
swimmers.
 

Kicking

I won't move.
I'm uprooted.
Someone's kicking the door down
And I slam my own knee
And see that it's me.
I won't move.
I'm unplanted.
Someone's leaving me cold upstairs
And I slap my own face
I made myself this place.
I won't move.
I'm imbalanced.
And food lazily escapes my mind
By force and comfort
and trampoline size.
 

Women's Lit (What it means to be a woman in orgasm)

Women's lit
Is a pile of shit
That I force myself to learn the
Contributions of downplaying
Rapacious predators that want
Chances after it's you're own fault that
They prey or refuse to pray
And I'm dealing with leaving
My body for someone
And I'm being called selfish
So someone is me.
Alone or together
I'm stuck with myself
rushing into bed
scripts poems printed on the shelf
pleasure times shouldn't
think of them now!
 
 

Punchline

It was the last day
James Joyce.
Ulysses.
Overtly sexual hetrosexual
Professor she said- yes oh yes
Read it again
Read it out loud
Read it in bed
Tell me what Molly is experiencing
After her torn love need lust wanting self other pleasing exuses with no line breaks OR punctuation in this novel what does she want oh tell me what releases the book and closes the beginning and the end?
The guys in class liked it when Molly had an orgasm.
 

Signed,

The hypocrite disappointed me.
Don't wait around.
Don't play games
And don't take advice.
Then I watched him practice
And said insensitively in response to his insensitivity:
No.
Realizing my mistake, I earned a long winded
Much needed apology
And I wrote too much
Like your faucet was leaking
And you already knew everything about me
And the inconsistencies of what we had said
Must have been part of your

                                    -fever in bed.  September, 2000.
 

Epitaph

Here lay some unlikely bedfellows:
America Online, paintbrushes, CDs, a guitar,
lists of everything she'll miss, poems, photographs
and a few really
really crudely done sketches
of Native American women
And U.S. flags.
Social commentaries and activism,
Pages of unrehearsed script
(They stopped when she confessed to the actor
that she idealized him and he kissed her almost
that day in the lounge but it happened later on her
roommate's bed the next day after he couldn't lose
Diablo on purpose, he was so very obvious about it).
And a printed out drawing in green ink
(her first roommate let her print it and thought it was
weird that a friend she never met so far away would draw
this little characature and roommate said it looked like
the Simpsons and she said it looks like his sense of humor
which cynically blossomed all too soon and she wondered
why he thought of her and if he indeed still cared)
And flower petals
(She never got real flowers, they were only $5 for a red rose
at fells point but instead she opted to let him slide and kept
the blossoms from the tree where they rested half an hour
before her exam and before his rehearsal and before her jury
he kissed her and told her HE WOULD BE THERE! and he
was there and afterwards they got icees and had their first
passion session on his double bed, he was glad he got a
double bed because it fit in his apartment but she always
fancied the worn in comfortable couch and then after he left
it hit her that what she missed most was belonging somewhere
and to the couch and part of it was)
Faded like corduroys in fall
(She fancied his clothes and what he wore when maybe she
would ask because she did every day but one day it lost her
meaning so they talked and didn't fight and she hates being
a pacifist when all she does is war and war and she wants to
make love with him wanted to make love with him but never got
the chance and nobody knows why they seemed to suit each other but)

Here lies: LOVE.  b. 1981.  d. 2000

I'm quite big on numbers and dates tonight.My sorries and fake sad faces
 

My sorries and fake sad faces seem to
wear off tonight and my clothes want to rush to
wear off tonight and i wish i could make your sadness
wear off tonight and it's always a theme but i can't change to
wear off tonight the pattern but instead i wish to say
we're off tonight.
~The authoress.
 

Something Inherited

He did leave me something
This sense of love burial
Before he blossoms flowers
To me it's like a disease that he transmitted
Not sexually because that didn't happen but
He must have slipped it in the drink
That he let me make
To soothe me when
I nervously met his
best friends.
 

<Insert her name here>

You're cruel and I hate your name and you can't defend anyone anymore not
even yourself and
Don't claim the victim name it's all I have to call
my own.
 

Unsent Letter

I talked about my alleged
bizarre sympathy stunts
in purely journalistic style
but it's not my own.
All it looked like was a portrait of me
As seen by an ass through a farm house cross framed
window
pouring out green vase water into the sink
without trying to lose the
roses.
 

Garlic solid.

I want this dream
To be like
Going to Communion and
Biting into garlic solid-
Then realizing
That you're a vampire.
 

Photograph

Maximize your graphic to 300%.
I was wise to take pictures
Because now I see trust in blue eyes
Oceaning
to me.
Everything is beautiful again, like a
collage or a bouqet or
skipping choir (I Love choir) to be with
You (Loved you more)
And then I notice
How pixellated this is and sharp and glass cut edgy
Unpolished unfinished unnatural
To have you here before me on my screen
(even though your lips have the slightest trace of chocolate
And even though you resent me I can't help but feel you'd
want to sit here and watch 007 with me).
I can't click the X
 

Photograph II

I've always had your picture somewhere.
Your expression and your reaction
why did we ever tell each other secrets?
What went wrong:
I always imagined us
Shy
Trying to Smile.
 

Photograph III

You're a friendly stranger
With a tenor voice
And I hardly know
What not to say around you
Except
I'm not dating your friend anymore.
Michael said: "There's nothing wrong with sharing."
My face
red paint.
 
 

Missed Invitation
 

Your sister's getting married.
Didn't even think about you
Since you turned twenty-three,
You and parties, anyways.
But your sister's getting married.
A missed invitation.
She was a lovely girl
And she'll be gone from you
You in your lonliness
And pity.
 
 

Mt. McKinley

I rummaged through old mail and found an
Early morning semi-love letter.
It was a reply from when
I was nice to you
And you were gentle with me.
I know how you are but
Please don't climb Denali
By yourself.
 

Time Over Time

I did some bad research today
And I flooded my eyes over him
Because of what I found
And the resemblence to his father
That he swears he wants to have but
Never will be so distinguished.
And the family portrait was there
Hung proudly, unprofessionally
On a webpage.
Didn't want to talk to him
No more need to comfort him.
Time over time I've realized
You.
I came to you damaged,
And let you leave that way
And I sew the pain and that legacy away
But time over time I've lost
You.
 
 

The Daisies In The Grass
 

Drinking didn't cure me of you-
Medications
Too much sleep,
Too little night
Because I was always
Well advised by you.
Professors never care about
Unpublished dream poetry
Or being dumped;
Deaths losses and suicides
Now or stars ago,
Or Peter, everpresent
Somehow they made him like a shepherd but I know he was
An actor.
Watching death wheels and technologists die
Knowing private fears
Gives me reason to stand barefoot
On the daises
In the grass.
 

Morbid

Is the watch click tick
Electronic hums
Inhuman heat;
Plain Wax Candles
And faded lamps
That yesterday were romantic.
 

The Life Of A Nader-Raider

I grow fast tired of any satire
Or farce.
Last week I could have been a politician
Claiming that love heals nothing.
I'm commanded to sing
With a borderline personality
And love heals everything.
 

Convivial

A friend, a feast
The pain is less
To endure;
Endear more.
Foliage stuttered and stunted
By artificial campus growth.
I'll let no one walk me home.
 

Phasing Feminist (Being Like Jane Austen...)

I walked home at One in the dark.
Brave and not naive with intoxicates prowling.
Studied diligently and ate in solitaire.
Kind and peaceful with some regret.
And then he would have held the door
So that the wind could steal my breath
Into his arms.
Being like Jane Austen is a curse!
An immutable curse.
An accepted curse.
 

The Accursed

I sing of 'The Simple Joys Of Maidenhood'
And realize that this time dead.
The giving in.  Every man a sin
Which angers at tears and reaction
accused
accursed
selfishness.
I don't have to re-explain myself.
"I lost him"
still applies
But this time I will not
post it on my door.
 

The Fights

I have laughed at your poaching criticisms.
At least I know when the fights come to find me
That suns surely drown in the water.
But in that darkness, cooled, you dwell.
 

Arthurian Destiny

I knew you were proud of your name
But you offered it to me, almost,
As a giveaway
The cheap rap vinyl rejected in the station-
Frisbees.
I live no more in isolation of your family
And I seek no more consolation
Because of your Arthurian destiny,
Mr.
"J
A
R"
 

Smiled

He offered me a smile and I meant to say hello.
Shocked attraction face slapping
Standing by the door wanting to say things to each other
And I almost did
But only because he smiled like you.
 

Gum

I chewed the last piece of gum
And this used to cause sweats
Cold fevers and nervous breakdowns.
Paranoia doubt catastrophe and things
Lovers shouldn't worry about
All in an ice pierced breath.
 

Family Portrait/Awkward Boy

I remember how I loved
The troubled little
Awkward boy
When I see his family portrait
And how they never rescued me.
I cannot be allowed to love empty.
His lips trembled in the picture

Then you and I talked of hallucinations
Two days closer to the present.
 

The Bonfire

I didn't run around this year
Crying wanting or deserving anyone.
I didn't dress myself for dinner
Or quietly await snacks.
I didn't prowl lustily in the forests
Near the bonfire
Or elflike, waken into a
Fairy dawn in a drunken world.
I'd rather talk with you.
 

Honesty

I wanted to say:
It's Sunday night without delay you could
Be here before 6 am and leave the next day
Even just so we could
Watch each other sleep.
But I don't want to fight and cry again and hurt.
 

This lost battle
 

Was fought on an electronic
Agincourt.
but we never really fought
And then I feel like I lost someone
Again tonight.
I think it had something to do with me
Wanting to win a war.

This lost battle
Took place once more over tea with another
Man who was there when I ran into the theatre
Out of the rain.
"Still raining?"
He joked.
But would he help me strip off the purifying water
And fire set strike the stage
If he were to rejoin our songs?
But I didn't ask
And I knew it was me wanting to win
real love war.
 
 

I wish there were rain

Acting like I have a choice
He last left beholding my voice!
One one one through everything
One one one through everything.
Possibilities typed twice
Like your names, star cross'd the same
Twice written twice gained
Thrice lost
To the actor.

I took Macbeth's sword
Phallic like a man and claimed
This stage my own and he could not
TAKE it anymore.
He will not take me anymore.

And if there was one who wanted to try
Who disarmed me;
He claimed he was willing to let me
Roam to ends tonight.

I wish there were more rain.
 
 

I always fuck up that yoda quote

He told me to hang myself
In a joke
I think he really wanted.
I want to do it sometimes
Just to be his punchline.

I drove intstead,  8 0 m . p . h .
Down old new windsor road
And floored it past some 6 deer tribes
Deerforest
Deerkill
And Id my eyes
Through I was with three silhouettes on the double yellow line
And I thought:
How selfish of me
To risk the lives of the newborn baby doe eyes
Standing reflective like a pond in the road?

Once I was used
And now all of my songs are depressing
But yours.
It is sweet and might sound trite
But it is yours.

I want to say that I am yours.
And I always fuck up that Yoda quote
About how I wanted to try!
 

Sweet Ends

Sweet ends to this evening
I am proud for swimming in no bottles
But when my diplomacy shaped my names
Into a blasphemous star
I think you took notice.
I should have went to sleep after then-
Sweet ends to a sweeter evening.
Hadn't we gone off to chase after them,
We may have caught ourselves in
spring.  :)
 

A Symphony

I heard you moved away the other day
They say you left with nothing to say to anyone
but yourself.

Maybe you figured you used up my sympathy
So you find another girl to write your symphony
Just go find another girl to write your symphony
I know that she couldn't write as beautiful a symphony
as me
Even if she had you
Even if she had you
to herself
But no one can have you
But no one can have you
to herself.

I heard you think you gave your love so thoughtlessly
to me
But you were happy
But you were happier with me...
 
 

Pages of Torture

Pages of torture
And unedited song.
Dear Composer,
May I improve upon your piece
By adding splashes notes and dots
Exemplifying the one that soon I may
Love?
Schumann answers me with the ocean
In his piano.
 
 

Chopin and Myself

This time last year
We listened to Chopin
And how dramatic I found
The hammering piano and the night solitude
And how aristocratic I felt
Wanting to sit next to him.
This time this year
I listen to myself
And how simple I find
The ornately picked guitar and the night solitude
And how content I feel
Wanting to sit next to him.
 
 

Abstinence By Situation

Play-doh
Scandalous photographs
Mint flavored condoms
Mean nothing but art;
Choose how innocent
I am.
 

               G B C G
This time I want you
C           G     G B C G
To say goodnight to

I want the choice to be me
                        D
Want your voice to be free

C         G
I'm listening now
I'm listening now
C         D    B
I'm listening now-
 

                G B C G
This time I want you
C           G     G B C G
To say goodnight to

I want the choice to be me
Want your voice to be free
 

The river's course
Flowing south of course
To me
-eventually

            G B C G
This time I want you
C           G     G B C G
To say goodnight to

I want the choice to be me
Want your voice to be free

To be free...
 
 

I Still Feel Beautiful

My horoscope told me
I should prepare him dinner.
Oh how I would
with a grin.
I had so much work today,
Piles of papers
Because yesterday I spent my hours
studying what he'd be like here
And now I am content to encounter
The couple kissing in the gazebo;
Carpe Diem is written there
For people like us
For people who read this
For he who inspires me.
I am able to sing bold again,
and wearing blue polyester pants
And a baggy tee
I still feel beautiful.
 

Our Scandal

If you were there,
I wouldn't be afraid to feed the homeless man
Dinner as he slumped on the sidewalk of the
FBI building.
We'd see a glamor show,
Read the fancy Virginian license plates,
And kiss at all the monuments-
And then we'd manifest
    Scandalous history
        In an elevator at the
            Watergate Hotel.
I would plead guilty to all allegations
And blush innocently at you
As I testified.

Dear Chris,

Circle shaped nods and look right at me
Staring sexy in the center of your crowd
I might be plain
But after the curtains drew together
I recall how you rushed over and accepted all gifts.
When I was standing there you watched me watch
Your floppy hair, I'm infatuated with your hair.
You made me love rock and roll again
And now I belt out like Janis
To maybe turn you on.
Love,
A PushStars fan
Westminster, MD.
 

Thanks

Thanks for calling me sweets
And letting me unravel
And rolling up the yarn
Joint-like pain easing
Easel teach me how to
Paint so I can paint
Not us, but just our colors convoluted but in a
white dove way
Not static, maybe Ginsberg just
Complete.
 
 

Advice:

Read me like
        a
    snowfallen
            poem
                in
    June and love me
regarless of the
melt.
My gift shall be to melt and cool
like mutable water,
As you ask.
 
 

I'm Listening To John Lennon

I'm listening to John Lennon
Not believing
After he imagined me better-
I could have loved him better
With his I V vi chord changes
he might have held onto my sweater
Instead of the wind.
I won't throw myself into the water
And simmer in your sun
Instead I'll chat with John until you've
Decided that our world has begun.
If I could take my voice and sacrifice it to the shifting
Earthy plates to heal you and to heal him
I'd die forever in a sweetened sadness
swimming silently in committed love.
 

Obnoxious

The obnoxious black girl is
Singing in the hall
And I crank up God
And she wails about Heaven
And I simply cease to believe.
This obnoxious white girl is
Typing on her thousands
And driving into millions
Counting dollars worse than tears
And she wants to be loved.
We all struggle to love on our own.
 
 

The Ballad Of Roger McGuinn

I'm listening to McGuinn
Sing about being free
And thinking about my river
Scraping at your wounds
Instead of ebbing,
Scraping.
I will recede into the sea
Returning with salts to heal you
Regardless of its freedom,
To run, return, and heal you.
 

Lonely Meal Together

I watched Kennedy die again so
Graphically I'll go and see if
Bill isn't as desensitized even though you
Murded him with bloody love lust.
We may share a lonely meal together.
 

Shooting The Raven

Weeks of push my body can't give anymore
My mind is free of insanity just as you
Declare me unfit to be near your
Lethargic cathartic body bad mouth
Put me down again body
That will stay in its own misery
Its own miserable room
Forevermore.
Thanks for shooting the raven,  (insert sarcasm here)
Even though you know I'm thoroughly against that
kind of thing.
 

The Hitman

Matter of factly taking me seriously
for once
He lowered his price by
$9,950 because you,
Lowly pigfucker,
Are the victim.
 

Be None

You summoned me as Truth
And gave me a hammock by the spring
Wanting to stay on for a while
To hold my hand and dream.
It's eternal
I rest there
As I wait
For the world to dissolve
With you standing there.
And if you ever felt the desire again
To hold me and warm
or protect
Me by the fire,
Resistance would be none.
 
 

Harm's Way

Wrapped in rayon and his
Sweaters and jerseys,
Tucked up tight under an arm-
I want to be away from harm.

Here I'm strewn across my bed with
Incapacitated sense of time
And only past, above the clock-
In this room, time, the center of harm.
 

Milk and Coffee

I poured too much milk
Into his coffee
And there he sits, drinking politely
As if it were stale

I sit opposite
Playing like a player in a play like a prowler in the day

If he offered stale bread and
Sworn, cross faces,
The consistency of comfort
Would run rampant
Beyond my daily suspicions
That his milk was spilt
On the floor and it's past due
The time and temperature
For his turn to cry.
 

Trappings

Trapping in and running out

Worshipping his vindictive penis on the altar
of your enlarged
ravaged
mental
given
body.

Sneer in disgust and spit at your rage.
You think to harden me into conceit
And all the things that you have bred me to be like a
Sickened mother reading her own will to a
Desperate child,
Beaten and forgotten by none other.

Kick at your dust and squint at your clothes.
You think to suffer me through the day
And anger me agressive, night by night
While my promises to be away never insinuate
Affairs with Well-Known-Writers
And caged musicians tired-
humping me like a tried escape

from you.
 

Spin

Spin around my blue
and corner me in a room
or just say you want to
Just say
again
how you want to.

Spin me gently
and fall into leaves
or just say you'd like me
To dress for night
again
how you want

My binds, comparisons,
abruptly done.
I'm for you.
Now I seem conquered somehow and like
a clearcut forest
That you have no wish to
touch

so I feel that I've gone wrong
So say a word and I'll beg to sing
If you ever remembered to ask.
 

Abandoning the Theatre

I moved about like a ghost
Scared and avoiding you
But dressing up in case I couldn't like a
Sixties idol the one you loved and I
Didn't see you but I'm kind of sad that I
didn't get to hug you surprised -
You'd be jealous of what he now could have when you
Stopped listening I became detatched from the
Place where we kissed and sang and I fed you lines, +fatherless motherless
aren't we every day we all are so+
Like a baby you lapped them up! and swelling and swaying like spring trees
Fred Astaire's arms around me on the stage and how people were faint at the
prospect of you and me but what's her name?
Ginger?
That one from the island
And all you did was say you did me, wasn't that it?
Wasn't I a wall of pretenses, gathered up in a mulicolored dress that I
wanted to swish scintillious perfume all about your face and run mock crying
around your wooden stagegarden paradise
Because you showed up to this show about witches and your modern adaptations
of love are far too modern for my art and I consider you
distasteful!
 

Marat Upon Closer Inspection

Upon closer inspection,
I didn't photograph you that day.
Marat stands staring at me cloaked in a British flat that may
as well be torn French.
Even without you I wish he could could cover me and heighten me with his
warmth,
But even that would be a lie
From a cold, sickened and destitute man
Much like yourself.
I learned of his death in Art History, Grade Eleven,
And now I witness yours
You soak diseased credibility from our names-
Take the train to New York
Go be in your plays.
 
 

Mindwander

I wandered into my mind today and spoke to some doubts who wanted your
comfort and they were
Ominous creatures with phallic intent and they told me to let go of
everything and follow no more churches because of how
The bells deafened my music and stifled my songs and if I did you'd be
gone.
 
 

Buried

Buried among the
Archaic warmth of my fat
There are two frozen feet that
Need to be warmed.  He froze them
Worse than winter when he left and it's
Turned fall again, falling leaves and falling
Inside to avoid falling in love

Cold feet is a card that beats a warm hart
Like a resounding drum,
Coughed and muted like Shakespeare by a sunrise;
I stand, awed at both in
pleasure pain and sickness.
 
 

Diagnosis

He diagnosed me with his psychoses and an almost degree, undergraduate
In psychology of the mind and he thinks I'm not
Sane and he pots me down and tells me I'm wrong I'm so terribly
Wrong I feel blind
I'm unkind and he took everything that was left all my love is
Run, love has
run away and I reach for our reassuring arm but don't want to burden you if
you
can't carry yourself so
let's carry each other but we've decided already so
I can't ask.
 
 

Camping

We were supposed to go camping
In Burkittsville
Alone in the child stiffness of horror
But I'm too warm
(I'll be careful not to unravel
his
sweater)
And I'll burn your shirt anyway
In the dancing fire dark.
 
 

Want

I knew my body wanted you
Because of all the curvature
At night I could be your earth.

I knew my mind danced toward yours
Like demons around a fire
Demons, patient demons wanting to know the
Worst with the severely better.

Fact: I am cold.  My nose, my head to toe
My breasts and my feet; my daily everything.

Want: Sit here and warm my hands
I will be a needed audience
For all you speak.

 Writing Main